Has it ever happened to you?
No inspiration. No matter what you do, nothing calls, draws or attracts you. Not anything you read, anyone who speaks, any conversation. Nothing. Not your bible, not your prayer time, not your goals, your vision or dreams. Nothing. I mean absolutely nothing inspires you. Have you been there? I have.
It's nothing against any of the aforementioned things as I've been inspired by them all. It's a place of doldrums, deep brooding questions of what is going on with me? It's a place of deep introspection. It's a place where nothing and no one can reach. I found myself desperately looking for that one worship song that could get me there- nope. That didn't work either. It was a place of desperation. What's wrong with me? What's going on?
I had endured a heavy traveling schedule for months that included wonderful celebratory events- the birth of my second grandson and my son's wedding. I traveled and ministered the gospel many places including Paris-all things I love to do. Upon my return home- purchased and renovated my dream house, had all my kids and grandkids home for the holiday. I was also pummeled with sad events of loved ones passing away and a record setting attendance of funerals. Sunny days and rainy days are all a part of the life cycle.
I was neither inspired by life nor death. I was just a little more sober minded about how short this life is which put further pressure on me to continue my quest with haste to find Inspiration.
I looked for books, music, movies, speakers, and relationships and yet I was left feeling uninspired. I thought rest would take care of it. It only helped my physical body to feel refreshed but my soul still longed. Maybe I needed more time in the Word? In prayer? In fasting? In mentoring? In ministry? Nope! None of that sufficed.
In the words of Rebekah in Genesis 25:22 I lamented..."Why am I like this? So she went and inquired of the Lord."
I think God has made some of us to be content yet never satisfied. I know those people when I meet them. There seems to come dark days of drought that drive us to His presence to seek as we've never sought before. That the spiritual outpouring we've received both privately and publicly has been held in honor but it no longer touches that hollow place deep within that longs for more. That place that desires. That place that longs for God so uniquely that it cannot be articulated. I'll never find my inspiration anywhere other than in His presence. I have come to believe that is by design. It's not until I'm left yearning that I start chasing again. I know there's a whole lot more to God than what I've got. I have merely tasted of Him yet I long to know Him in His power and person in a way that leaves me ruined for the ordinary and utterly undone for the rest of my life. Oh that traces of me are a mere memory as I emerge more Christlike. I'm grateful for a season where I have been uninspired for it has inspired me to go up higher to seek the face of the living God. It is there that I change. That I become once again inspired by Him. Jesus-the only one who can fill in me when everything else leaves dry.
I think of the ageless hymn...
"I'll cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it some day for a crown."